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Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver's Journey
Deborah Shouse 2007
Kansas City:
The Creativity Connection
We have been searching for a text by a family carer that we can recommend unreservedly, and now we feel we have found one in Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey by Deborah Shouse.
Whilst never denying the down-turns in caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, Deborah is intelligent and sensitive enough to notice all sorts of things which bring situations alive, give people hope, and constitute treasurable epiphanies. It is not a ‘how-to’ book, full of dogmatic assertions about making things better, but realistic and open-minded in approach, a highly literate account with a message of hard-earned positivity.
One of the most extraordinary chapters is entitled ‘Wanted: Another Mother’ in which, finding her own mother wholly wanting in the traditional role since the dementia’s advance, Deborah looks to other women for a substitute maternal figure. But she fails in her search and returns to her mother appreciating her qualities in a fresh spirit:
I sink into my mother’s face like she is a meditation. We smile
at each other for a half-hour, something we have never done
before, something that would be too intense, too personal in
our earlier, rational life together.
Then her eyes gently flutter shut. I feel like I’ve been on a
mystical retreat. I feel a rich sense of renewal and hope.
As I watch my mother fall into slumber, I realise I don’t
really want another mother. I like the softer, less controlled
persona of this mother. I like her silly noises and ready
laughter. I like the fact that she doesn’t know who I am but
smiles at me anyway. I am growing comfortable with her new
unorthodox style of motherhood.
Mom’s eyes are closed; her hands resting by her sides. I kneel
on the floor and rest my head against her legs. I feel her
warmth and the sureness of her breathing. Then I feel her
hand on my head, tugging playfully at my curls, just as she
used to do when I was a little girl. I smile, close my eyes and
rest.
You can order the book on Amazon. You can also order the book from the Heart of America Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association, for a tax-deductible donation of $15.00 or more to the Alzheimer’s Association. Email: Kerry Mees
The author and her partner Ron Zoglin give presentations and workshops very widely in the US and abroad. Their website is: The Creativity Connection.
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Person-Centred Counselling for People With Dementia: Making Sense of Self